I would say the archetype of the bully is one of most common of the archetypes… whether we consciously can see that or whether it’s hidden from our own selves… it is present. In a world of traumatized inner child energy, narcissistic tendencies, and a governed society established upon pure greed and power- we can find a tremendous amount of the bully energy.

We see it daily on social media behind this screen of illusion, but there are many who will see right through it. They will see the bully for what it truly is-FEAR! The bully that tries to amplify itself to appear better, even intimidating, or more powerful than what they truly are because the fear inside eats at them, and the coward is consumed with fear.

The Bully and The Coward

The bully will show you exactly how it feels inside. It will reveal the coward it so desperately wants to protect. The coward archetype is the shadow that hides below the surface of any bully. The bully attempts to guard the coward within. The bully’s biggest fear is the reality of the coward- weakness, fragility, and vulnerability.

Sometimes the bully will simply be a bully to his or herself. Backing itself into a corner to prove themselves “strong”, self-sabotaging to create more challenges to uphold excuses for failures, talking down to themselves to toughen their own skin or to even to reenforce someone else’s limitations that was placed upon them.

Find the Fear, Stop the Bully

Find the fear, stop the bully. The inner child of each bully is afraid. Where did the fear begin? This will be an individualized experience. The fear may have come from early childhood abuse from an adult. A guardian who made them feel powerless. An environment that wasn’t safe for the child. The fear could have come from siblings or other children that frightened them, so the coward hid within as the bully emerged to become what they feared the most. Maybe it spawned from a mother who made them feel ugly and less than, so the bully said, “I will make myself feel better in any way I can” so they began to point their blade of insecurities to wound someone else.

Time to Heal

Each and every one of us has to be willing to get uncomfortable and close with the shadows within… if you want to heal. The days of stuffing it down, pushing it away, and suppressing it are coming to an end. (Especially if you are here)

If you were drawn to read into this dynamic between the bully and coward archetype, maybe you can start there. When you have the space for yourself to reveal all the answer, and trust me, the answers will come- you just have to allow the answers with no judgement or analysis within that moment.

The best way is to write it out. Take a deep breath and begin with questions to your inner self. Go with your intuition and ask away, allowing the answer to lead you into the next question.

Question the Shadow

What are you afraid of?

Why are you afraid of that? Where did this fear come from? When was the last time you felt that way? When was the first time you felt that way?

You find that your mind will want to backtrack to different memories of when you felt this fear and the bully had to step forward to protect the inner child. Allow it, feel it all, and within each memory give that You the things that YOU need. Nourish the soul in each memory.

Give your inner child a voice

I began to write this blog post last year and it’s been sitting in the drafts. It caught my eye as I was going down the list in drafts, because I felt like writing, and my daughter had burst out into tears just yesterday saying she felt like a bully. I had failed to realize in that moment that there was fear inside of her about the situation that made her feel like she had to come out and “protect” another part of herself.

Looking at the situation now, I can totally see how this has taken place. Now of course, I soothed her soul and nurtured her in that moment with words of affirmations and reassurance. She had a natural reaction to a tough situation, and that is okay. She has shown me time and time again how children will “punish” themselves for their choices, how easily that at that age everything is absorbed, and a label is placed upon the experience.

That label of the experience becomes the shadow that grows alongside the child. Add on all the extra scenarios like the adults disciplining them, the words that are spoken from their friends, the judgements of strangers, the rejections, and all the disappointments life is surely to throw… there is shadow created.

Maybe this is also a good time to recognize and respect the shadow in a different light. For so long, I’ve heard people talk about the shadow as if shadow,bad…light,good. What we can really see here is that shadow does not equal bad. Shadow has formed as the ultimate protection. The ultimate attempt to save the self from the pain… a shield.

You can see the shadow within the archetypes themselves. The king that was once a prince, that through shadow learned how he would lead and make decisions. The Joker that was once reject, or the one being made fun of, learned how to work with humor to protect. The Everyman that once had to be Follower, Lover and Seducer, Creator and Destroyer.

Light and Dark

“Light and Dark” can always be found and both must be accepted and balanced. To truly heal, shadow, is to truly see what that has done for you then, honor and love that part of you just as much as the light within.